Visa to Paradise: The Andhaka Copycat Claim
*A Satirical Short Story*
When Andhaka — son of Hiranyaksha, boon-granted by Brahma, conqueror of the three worlds, pursuer of the devas all the way to Mount Mandara — was finally impaled on Shiva's trident, something strange happened.
He didn't die.
Well, he did. But then another Andhaka rose from his blood. And another. And another. The battlefield became a forest of thousand-eyed, thousand-limbed demons, each one identical to the original.
Then Kālī came. And she drank every drop.
The last Andhaka — the original — watched as his copies were devoured. Then Shiva's third eye opened. Andhaka's sins burned away. He fell to his knees.
*"I am sorry,"* he said.
Shiva forgave him. Made him a Gaṇa chief.
Then Andhaka died. For real this time. And woke up in a beige hallway.
---
### Part One: The Intake
The sign read: **AFTERLIFE RECEPTION — GAṆA DIVISION (FORMER ASURAS) — COUNTER 11**.
A cheerful clerk with a single head (refreshingly simple) greeted him. "Welcome! Andhaka, correct? Son of Hiranyaksha? Chief Gaṇa? We have your file. It's... unusual."
"How so?" Andhaka asked, his thousand eyes now reduced to a normal two (the Gaṇa makeover).
"You died multiple times. The Liṅga Purāṇa account alone records: one original death by trident, then approximately twelve thousand copy-deaths by Kālī. Each copy was a distinct entity. We need to determine which one is *you* — the real Andhaka — before we can process your visa."
"I am the original!"
"All twelve thousand copies said that. Right before Kālī ate them. Do you have any proof of originality?"
Andhaka thought. "I... was impaled on Shiva's trident for a while. The copies were destroyed quickly."
"That's not proof. Copies can claim they were impaled too. We need a *witness*."
---
### Part Two: The Witness Testimony
The court summoned **Vīrabhadra** — the fierce Gaṇa commander who had fought Andhaka's copies.
Vīrabhadra appeared in full armor, scowling. "I killed Andhaka seventy-three times. Each time, a new one rose from the blood. It was exhausting. I do not recommend it."
"Can you identify the original?" the judge asked.
Vīrabhadra squinted at Andhaka. "The original was the one who *begged for forgiveness*. The copies just screamed. So if this one says he's sorry, he's probably the real one."
Andhaka knelt. "I am sorry. For everything. The conquest. The abduction attempt. The mountain-uprooting. The yajña-hindering. The Apsara-napping. All of it."
Vīrabhadra nodded. "That's him."
The judge wrote: *"Original Andhaka identified by Vīrabhadra via sincere apology. Copies are considered deceased and without independent soul status. Their visas are void."*
---
### Part Three: The Son Āḍi
The clerk then pulled up another form. "Andhaka, you have a son. Name: Āḍi. Mother unknown. Please provide parentage details for his inheritance."
Andhaka's thousand heads (now absent) would have argued. Instead, his single head sighed. "I don't remember. There were many years. Many asura women. Āḍi is my son. That is all I know."
The court ruled that Āḍi would be recognized as **Legal Heir of Andhaka (Asura Estate)** . However, since Andhaka had been forgiven and made a Gaṇa, his asura wealth (three worlds, various palaces, a collection of stolen Apsaras) was forfeit to the celestial treasury. Āḍi would receive a small pension of 100 EterniCoins per celestial year — enough to live modestly in Purgatory Annex.
Āḍi later filed an appeal. It is still pending.
---
### Part Four: The Blood Copy Administrative Nightmare
Despite Vīrabhadra's testimony, the court still had to account for the twelve thousand copies. Each copy, while lacking an independent soul, had nevertheless *existed* for a brief period. The Rāmāyaṇa and Mahābhārata accounts differed on who killed the final Andhaka — Shiva's third eye or Kālī — but agreed on the blood copies.
The judge summoned **Kālī** (via celestial deposition). The goddess appeared as a towering, dark figure, her tongue red with symbolic blood.
"Kālī," the judge said, "did you consume the copies?"
"I did. Every single one. They were delicious. Not spiritually, of course. I am a goddess, not a cannibal. But metaphorically."
"Are the copies considered 'alive' before consumption?"
"They were moving, fighting, and bleeding. If it bleeds, it lives. But their lives were not meaningful. They had no memory, no identity, no karma. They were photocopies."
The court ruled: **Blood copies are classified as 'Temporary Combat Entities'** — not eligible for afterlife processing, but requiring a *Bulk Deletion Certificate*. Andhaka was required to sign a single form acknowledging that all copies had been consumed and would not be resurrected.
He signed. His hand did not shake.
---
### Part Five: The Verdict (Forgiveness Final)
The final verdict was, surprisingly, merciful — because Andhaka had genuinely repented, both on the trident and in the courtroom.
- **Parentage**: Son of Hiranyaksha. No spiritual parentage from Shiva-Parvati in this version. (The court noted the inconsistency with earlier Puranas but accepted the Liṅga Purāṇa as the governing text for this case.)
- **Boon**: Upheld. He was killed by Shiva (and/or Kālī, by extension). No violation.
- **Blood copies**: Deleted. No further responsibility.
- **Son Āḍi**: Recognized. Pension granted.
- **Crimes**: Conquest, abduction attempts, yajña-hindering, mountain-uprooting. All pardoned due to sincere repentance and Shiva's forgiveness.
**Outcome**: Andhaka is granted **Paradise Visa Tier 1 (Gaṇa Privileges)** . He will reside on Mount Mandara as a chief of Shiva's attendants. His duties include: guarding the mountain, welcoming pilgrims, and — as penance — cleaning the *Śveta forest* where he was once slain (according to the Rāmāyaṇa account). Once a week, he must attend a *Humility Workshop* led by Prahlada (who tried to warn him).
Additionally, Andhaka is forbidden from ever desiring Parvati again. A *Magical Restraint Order* has been placed on his heart. He has agreed to it.
---
### Epilogue
Andhaka — now a serene Gaṇa with a single head and two calm eyes — stands at the gate of Mount Mandara. Pilgrims arrive. He blesses them. He does not mention his past.
Once a celestial year, Kālī visits. She does not eat him. She pats his head and says, "Good copy."
Shiva passes by occasionally. He does not speak. He simply nods. That is enough.
And on the wall of the Celestial Intake Hall — beneath a painting of Kālī drinking the blood of Andhaka's copies, with Shiva watching from his bull — a new plaque reads:
> *"A thousand copies may rise from a single drop. But only one soul can ask for forgiveness — and mean it."*
**OM NAMAH SHIVAYA**
---
**THE END**
No comments:
Post a Comment