Jokes

Sham S. Misri

A deeply religious man lived in a house beside a river, but one day the banks burst and the house was flooded. As the water level rose alarmingly, the man climbed onto the roof of the house. A boat came by. “Climb aboard,” called the captain. 

“No I shall stay here, “said the man. “God will take care of me.”

Twenty minutes later, with the waters still rising, the man climbed onto the chimney. Another boat came past. “Jump aboard,” said the captain.

“No I shall stay here; god will take care of me.”

Twenty minutes later, with the water still rising, the man climbed upon the chimney.

Another boat came past. “Jump aboard” said the captain. No I shall stay here God shall take care of me.

With the water now up to the man’s waist a helicopter suddenly swooped around. “Quick!” shouted the pilot. “Climb aboard!”

“No, I shall stay here,” insisted the man. “God will take of me.”

The water level continued to rise and soon the man was swept from the chimney and drowned. Up in heaven, he sought out God. “I thought you said you would take care of me,” he complained.

God said: “I sent you two boats and helicopter. What more do you want?” 

The talking parrots

Sham S. Misri

A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots that I taught to pray and read some books of wisdom. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"

Jokes

Sham S. Misri

A little boy desperately needed 1000 rupees to buy a present. His mother suggested that he pray for it. So he wrote to god asking for the money. The post office intercepted the letter and forwarded it to the president who was so touched by the request that he instructed his secretary to send the boy 1000 rupees. On receiving the money, the boy wrote back; “dear god, thank you very much for sending me the money.” I noticed that you had to send it through the capital Delhi. As usual, those thieving guys deducted seven hundred rupees and gave me three hundred only.

Jokes

Sham S. Misri

A deeply religious minded man lived in a house beside a river. One day the banks burst and the house was flooded. As the water level rose alarmingly, the man climbed onto the roof of the house.

A boat came by. “Climb aboard,” called the captain. 

“No I shall stay here, “said the man. “God will take care of me.”

Twenty minutes later, with the waters still rising, the man climbed onto the chimney. Another boat came past. “Jump aboard,” said the captain.

“No I shall stay here; god will take care of me.”

With the water now up to the man’s waist a helicopter suddenly swooped around. “Quick!” shouted the pilot. “Climb aboard!”

“No, I shall stay here,” insisted the man. “God will take care of me.”

The water level continued to rise and soon the man was swept from the chimney and drowned. Up in heaven, he sought out God. “I thought you said you would take care of me,” he complained.

God said: “I sent you two boats and helicopter. What more do you want?”  

Jokes

Sham S. Misri
A lawyer’s dog, running and leashed, stole a piece of meat from a butcher’s shop. The butcher was furious and marched straight round to the lawyer’s office. He asked the lawyer: “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have the right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?”

“Definitely”, said the lawyer.

“Then you owe me eight dollars fifty,” said the butcher.

“Your dog was loose and stole some meat from me today.”

To the butcher’s surprise, the lawyer promptly wrote out a cheque for eight dollars fifty without making any fuss.

Two days later, the butcher opened his mail to find a bill from the lawyer- Hundred dollars for legal consultation.