Jokes

Sham S. Misri

A deeply religious minded man lived in a house beside a river. One day the banks burst and the house was flooded. As the water level rose alarmingly, the man climbed onto the roof of the house.

A boat came by. “Climb aboard,” called the captain. 

“No I shall stay here, “said the man. “God will take care of me.”

Twenty minutes later, with the waters still rising, the man climbed onto the chimney. Another boat came past. “Jump aboard,” said the captain.

“No I shall stay here; god will take care of me.”

With the water now up to the man’s waist a helicopter suddenly swooped around. “Quick!” shouted the pilot. “Climb aboard!”

“No, I shall stay here,” insisted the man. “God will take care of me.”

The water level continued to rise and soon the man was swept from the chimney and drowned. Up in heaven, he sought out God. “I thought you said you would take care of me,” he complained.

God said: “I sent you two boats and helicopter. What more do you want?”  

What is unique about the number 4?

Sham S. Misri

i)                    It is the only number which is spelled with the same number of letters as its numerical value.

                                                F-O-U-R

ii)                  To the nearest one, four is the average temperature of the oceans in degrees Celsius.

iii)                 Water has the maximum density at 4⁰ Centigrade.

Jokes

Sham S. Misri
A lawyer’s dog, running and leashed, stole a piece of meat from a butcher’s shop. The butcher was furious and marched straight round to the lawyer’s office. He asked the lawyer: “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have the right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?”

“Definitely”, said the lawyer.

“Then you owe me eight dollars fifty,” said the butcher.

“Your dog was loose and stole some meat from me today.”

To the butcher’s surprise, the lawyer promptly wrote out a cheque for eight dollars fifty without making any fuss.

Two days later, the butcher opened his mail to find a bill from the lawyer- Hundred dollars for legal consultation.

Jokes

Sham S. Misri

One day a professor was trying to explain ‘Marketing to MBA students.’

Remember the following steps, he said:

1.    You see gorgeous girl in party, you go to her and say, I am rich marry me. - That is Direct Marketing.

2.    You attend a party and your friend goes to a girl and pointing at you tells her, He’s very rich, marry him – That is advertising.

3.    Girl walks to you and says, you are rich, ca…n you marry me? - That is Brand Recognition.

4.    You say, I am very rich marry me and she slaps you- “That is customer Feed Back.”

5.    You say I am very rich marry and she introduces you to her husband “That is Demand and supply Gap.”

6.    Before you say I am rich, marry me, your wife arrives-“That is Restriction from Entering New Market.”

Jokes

 

Sham S. Misri

A lawyer and a blonde were sitting at a bar. All that the blonde wanted to do was to sleep, but the lawyer saw the chance to take money.

“Why don’t we play a game?” he suggested, “I ask you a question. If you don’t know the answer then, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa.”

“No I just wanna to go to sleep,” said the blonde.

The lawyer wasn’t giving up that easily. He figured taking money from a blonde would be like taking candy from a baby so he gave her a greater incentive, feeling confident that she wouldn’t prove his intellectual equal. “I’ll tell you what I’ll do,” he persisted. “If you don’t know the answer you will pay me five dollars, but if  I don’t know the answer I will pay you 50 dollars.”

“OK,” the blonde sighed, “anything for a quiet life.”

The lawyer asked the first question: “what is the circumference of the world?”

The blonde didn’t try to think, but just handed over her five dollars. The lawyer pocketed with glee.

Then it was the blonde’s turn. “What,” she asked, “goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”

The lawyer was stumped. He couldn’t believe that the blonde could come up with a question he didn’t know the answer to. While the blonde dozed, he consulted half a dozen encyclopedias, e-mailed his lawyer friends, went on his laptop but still couldn’t find the answer. After an hour he finally had to admit defeat and handed over 50 dollars.

“Right,” he said tetchily, “what is the answer?”

The blonde silently reached into her purse, handed him five dollars and went back to sleep.